you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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