I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
