Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
