It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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