I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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