i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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