oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
