it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
