I just threw up on my dentist
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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