I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Vodka?
Forever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
