His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
