I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
