I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
