i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
