Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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