1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
