All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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