I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
