so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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