batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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