Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
