I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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