if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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