And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
