Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
