I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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