i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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