ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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