Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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