Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
