You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
