Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
