There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
