He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
