Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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