where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
