rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
