the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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