i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
