so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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