dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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