at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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