Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
