I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
