were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
