is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
