I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
