so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
