trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
