It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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