I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
