And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
do nipples grow back?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
