You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you made out with another girl for some wings
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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