If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
