just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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