he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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