I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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