if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
