remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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