the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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