is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
