he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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