I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
