I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
