What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
