he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
