Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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