a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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