hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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