Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
