you guys were way drunker than both of me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
