awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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