great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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