we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
