I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
