I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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