In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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