i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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