I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
