When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
