apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
