It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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