FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
