I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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